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oliver_kanjo
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Name: Josiah
Location: Houston, Texas, United States
Birthday: 6/1/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: God, the Bible, Dance Dance Revolution (DDR), Tae Kwon Do, Sonic the Hedgehog, writing, drawing at random, singing, trains, comedy (Bob Smiley, Tim Hawkins, etc.)
Expertise: Trains, Singing, Youth Ministry, and the Bible
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/20/2005
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| While I have a moment to bring my head to the surface, things have been exceedingly great overall since the last post. I was busy with the choir stuff, but after the huge mistake last Sunday, I've cut it so I can focus where I need to focus. Therefore I'm focus my energies on the project for Principles of Finance: the financial viability of a miniature train at one of the local parks. With the help of the mayor to arrive at this idea, I'm going to see if I can improve upon the use of the portable rail of the Rothwell Miniature Train and make it something that can be used at multiple events, from corn mazes to even the local festivals. I'll also compare it to a permanent setup in the park.
Once this project is done, I have something more to look forward to, and I don't mean finals. If all goes right, this project will be completed by the time the special train rolls through Friday, May 4, for a really special presentation by the tracks by the school. If not, it will be May 9. Either way, it's at that time I will officially be dating with the blessing of both the father and the girl I wish to date. From henceforth, the girl that I've referred to as Ed will now be referred to as Ana, and yes that's who I will be dating. Why at a specific point in time? Because with all the time and energy that is needed for the huge project, it wouldn't be prudent to start dating until I actually have the time to invest in it. Already, though, Ana has given me strong hopes - as I'm of the Restoration Movement and she of a different denomination, I'm happy to know that we're going to have to figure out how to the reconcile the difference, if at all, in order to see if the purpose of marriage later on would be practical. Furthermore, we've talked about the boundaries to the relationship and are perfectly fine with what we've set up.
Looking forward to seeing how Youth Sunday will play out in the morning. Therefore, fare thee well for now. | | |
| I'm just really, really glad that it was only a month worth of stuff that went wrong and not the four years of misery that I endured between 2007 and 2011. Things have gone in directions I never expected them to take, and I am gaining more and more perspective on things that I would not have received otherwise. It's a very good thing that there is always a reason for things going horribly wrong in any given period of time - it shows you what you're really focusing on, and if you're doing it right or wrong.
Something that I realized a little after posting it was that I gave a sort of time frame for dating Ed. I realized that stating such was not the best of ideas given what happened with Michiru last semester; however, it turns out that it's fine after I talked to her about on Sunday. As I told her, I'm completely content with being friends; it's the fact that Ed has impressed me so much that I want to consider it at some point. In either event, things are progressing at the right pace: last night she got her first taste of Tae Kwon Do, and I think it looks like something we can do together based on her comments that night. We took some time to walk through downtown afterward and talked some more, and then we called it a night. Well...she did, at least - I did accounting homework, and at that I found out today it was the wrong problem.
In other news, little did I realize that I had a talent for writing that equaled that of the English majors of this school. Two Fridays prior was the submission deadline for a writing contest relating to C. S. Lewis. I took just a page to write out something I thought would be decent and at least make "Best in Show" even if it didn't place. After arriving late to the awards ceremony (due to work) last Friday, I actually became really nervous as I heard all the entries before me. There was this NPR feel to everything I heard read, and quite frankly I began to feel very out of place. Instead, the judges surprise me by first focusing on the same area of the poem, and then by announcing that my poem won first place. Don't get me wrong, I put everything I had into the poem I wrote, but I was fairly certain that stylistically and lyrically I still had a ways to go compared to the others. I was so overjoyed, especially since I was quite nervous that I kept adding letters and words to the poem that weren't there. As this is a different audience that the folks at college, I can post the poem here freely - I know I'm not spoiling a future publication here. Also, there isn't exactly a title - I mentioned when I got up there that about twenty seconds prior I realized I might need one, and so Journey was the first choice, and if that got me in trouble with the band, the alternative title was, How to Condense C. S. Lewis in One Page.
Have you ever considered life’s adventure?
Purposefully looking for the dresser
The one that drew you to the life you now live
Did you know what you were looking for?
Seeking out the places and the faces and the names
Breaking through the wall of comfort
Your reliance for the status quo
Could you ever imagine the changes?
From child to royalty in mere seconds
Ascension of the called
Did you expect the pale face of horror?
Temptation dressed in lies and deceit
The fairy tale perverted
Are we all not guilty of undue homage to ourselves?
Integrity exchanged as the price for survival
Hollow echoes of the void within
Have you witnessed the price of betrayal?
Innocent blood shed on the knife’s tongue
Bitter taste shared among the throng
How did you live with yourself?
Counted among the corrupted hands and forlorn consciences
Bitter rue in the sinner’s circle
What did you do?
What could you do?
Your stare is all you need speak
The unfathomed debt of both strong and weak
The white witch fooled us all
Find your solace in life so meek
When did you spot the sight of flawless mane?
The price of second life nigh at hand
Exposed at every level, loosening the guilty fist
Did forgiveness ever taste so sweet?
Exchange of life for life to earn your keep
Adopted by firm grasp into royalty
Have you thought about what has been?
Each adventure so sullen and long, yet so minutely brief
Changing from cub to lion, holy badge of royal pride
However, like the Pevensies, each departure leads to new arrivals
Are you ready to pursue adventure to the last?
(Points to whoever catches the unintentional pun in the second-to-last line)
If there was any negative news to report, it would be the stress of working in the dish room. Lately the few of us that actually want to get our jobs done speedily, efficiently, and, most importantly, RIGHT are finding this really difficult with others slacking off. Too many times now we've wound up looking very unprofessional because of the few that didn't want to clean the pots and pans thoroughly enough, the silverware is either wrong-side up or mixed (soup spoons are soup spoons are soup spoons, and meant only for the soup served during our lunches), or the just outright disrespect by ignoring the multiple posts that our boss has put up regarding music and headphones. There is a provision of CD player to allow us to listen to music softly, as long as the music is approved, which then reflects twice as much on the students that have been listening to whatever it was on their music devices. There is plenty more to this because of the comments made one night with the president of the college present, but I think this is enough for a place like this. What frustrates me is that our co-workers are ignorant and blind to the fact that their actions are not hidden from our constituents that we serve on the shift(s) assigned to us, and that it has made it as far as the president's own home. People see this, and although they are sympathetic to those of us that are actually doing our jobs, as a whole we are only as strong as these people that are dragging us down.
That off my chest, I'm really looking forward to Friday/Saturday. This is because the Southwest Chief rolls through the towns south of me at 2a and 3a, meaning a really, really ridiculously early Saturday morning for me. I get to take a day to myself traveling by train as there is no direct route south except via Kansas City and St. Louis (which hopefully will be remedied in the future if and when BNSF sends the Chief through Wichita and hopefully on down to Oklahoma City before cutting over to Amarillo). So, early arrival in Kansas City, cut over to St. Louis via the local train, spend the afternoon in St. Louis before arriving in Texas the next morning and back home the next afternoon. I'm excited not only for that much, but because the crew will be with me at Druber's and we'll get to hang out, talk, drink coffee (to be alert and safe), do what we'd like for about four hours or so, and perhaps I can even prove useful with my knowledge of the railroad that night, too. Not only is it good that there's multiple people for the sake of the hour, but it means that our collective energy should be able to keep us up (along with the aid of the caffeine).
Thank you, Lord, that even in the bad, there is faithfulness; and that when the sun shines upon the land, there is faithfulness. Thank you for the joy that abides when happiness is tricky to find, and that in faith, hope, and love we find Your plan. | | |
| Yes, I am referencing the Chris Rice song found on both Amusing and What a Heart is Beating For. What started as a massive dose of things gone wrong became one of those months, right up until the 26th of last month. Since then I've been finding my momentum again, and I even have found things that I overlooked over the past month, too.
Let me at least get one lemon out of the way so I can mix it into the lemonade: today the letter I sent way back in October to Caspian just made it back to me after being to places in Maryland and Texas. I laughed when I discovered that Texas address had a half-baked attempt at white-out - I guess some grunt didn't want the address leaked or something. In any event, all I could do was stand amazed that it took about five months for a birthday wish and what not to make its way back to me after traveling to who knows where (outside of the stamps I have on the envelope and of course the address). Brought up the address and the only information I knew about Caspian to the president tonight, and sharp as ever found out what was possibly going on, albeit I'm not entirely at liberty to say. I will say this much: there was a joke about George Orwell's 1984 in the mix. Also, it appears there is a purpose behind learning second (or third) languages.
Back to the lemonade: first and foremost, I'm working with the youth and children all at once again, and in both a church and school setting. The minister at Harmony is letting me in on the children's choir, of which we are currently doing something I never thought we'd do so quickly: Go Fish! Yeah! We're choosing between the songs, "Bible Book Bop," "I'm a Soldier in the Army of the Lord", "I'll Do My Best" (Praise VBS 2012 motions), and "Superhero". "Superhero" seems to be a big hit, which is interesting since there's no video and thus the motions are what I came up with during my internship at this time last year out in Louisiana, MO. A close second is "I'm a Soldier in the Army of the Lord" which also hails from last year as well, so chances are if both are picked, we should have no problem getting the kids on their way to performing by April (which would be interesting so as to see if I could duplicate last year's success again). I would've had "Shackles (Praise You)" from the new VBS but at the time I didn't have the new DVD...so I ordered it that night along with the final items to finally have every Go Fish song to date, including the recording of "I Stand in Awe" that hasn't made it to print yet. Don't get me wrong on intention: I just find it cool that I now will have every resource possible in my hand and ready to go when needed for any ministry from here on out; as a bonus, it means I have a complete collection that I don't mind giving a little credence to for a moment.
The minister is also letting me in on the youth group, which means that Monday evenings I now get to immerse myself into small-town youth culture. Just as interesting is that this upcoming Monday I'll be doing a message related to the board game Battleship. I intend on taking this illustration as deep as I can as after this past Monday, I'm fairly impressed as to the applications the youth are already making here. At one point I nearly took over because as the minister was speaking, I came up with three parallels on the spot for one illustration brought up that night. Realizing this, I only spoke up when another youth spoke up and delivered something that was on the same page of my thoughts so that way I could both edify them through confirmation, and everyone else got to learn something, too.
Finally, I'm working with Ed at her mother's school right across the street from the college. The school is meant for children and youth with mental and psychological hurdles that they have to overcome. The minute Ed mentioned this in one of our talks, I immediately jumped on board because I know that in the church one needs to be prepared for anything. This includes dealing with different mental capabilities and other factors involving people that come through the doors of the church building. Quite frankly, I'd be an idiot not to take this opportunity, and even more so if I had not said a thing when I learned that they were in need of someone that was good at math. Tuesday was the day for that, but the kids got sick, another went off elsewhere, and the one lone soul there was working with science. So, Ed and I went to Wal-Mart to get some Kool-Aid and erasers for a dry-erase board. We wound up on the front porch on the swing talking until I had the dinner shift that night, but it was well worth it.
Speaking of Ed, goodness knows that for once even I can tell that I'm doing things right. She and I talk when we get the chance, and I've even come in and helped with some of the babysitting that she has been doing lately. Best of all, I'm learning about her and finding that there is enough difference that I think that in her own way she could get me to think about things in a different way, while at the same time we have a good amount in common in terms of various goals and thoughts that make this all the more pleasant. Oh, yes: hugs after we've talked for a good while have been exceedingly welcomed after waiting so long for them. At that, it's the first time to befriend someone like that who's just willing to, and isn't my girlfriend. Not to say life has sort of paused outside of this (plenty of stuff going on there), but I'm finding I'm handling things much better than before now. I will also say this much: Ed has impressed me so much that I will be asking in May (or perhaps on the train ride back from Kansas City in April) if she would like to date. Her response would also determine whether or not I need to speak to her father and ask his permission; all the same, I honestly think she's someone I could work with together since it appears the circumstances point to an opening that I really, really hope is there. I can't say that things won't turn on me like they did the previous three times, but like I said I'm impressed; so much so that I have a feeling that we both will approach this the right way and will either progress or end the right way, too, pending the future circumstances that I will not attempt to crystal-ball at this time.
Concert Choir just had the first performance of the season tonight at the Lutheran Church. Like I said, life outside of talking with Ed hasn't paused - I wanted to get a recording of us performing, but I got so conflicted in the social situation that I backed out and then was disappointed with myself for quite some time afterward because of the emotional build-up. Mentioned in an earlier entry was that I'm more prone to emotions than some because I recognize that already I'm a little deficient in some areas of social intelligence, making me nervous. Put me in a new situation where I try to my best and I find myself failing and you have the push necessary to get me more emotional than I need to be because of just how much anxiety comes from stuff like that. I've been talking to myself tonight and explaining things as they really were instead of how my emotions wanted to interpret them, and I've got to admit that despite it not being a good thing that people talk to themselves, once I had a logical explanation that I understood, I got over it much quicker.
Nagar has also been getting herself back into the game. More and more as I see her lately, I scrap the comparison of her and Caspian and replace it with a comparison of her and Saralita from back home. At first it seemed that there was enough innocence that Caspian had that warranted such a comparison as I made in an earlier entry, but now I see a more...fuzzy logic courtesy of Saralita that indicates I was wrong, and presents things I know Caspian would never say or do. I imagine the guy in the other state that Nagar is in love with must be a bit like Saralita's husband, Blue, if the comparison can hold such a literal parallel. This then puts Caspian in the category of "one-of-a-kind" and I'm glad to know it, too. In any event, I've gone on that tangent long enough. Nagar is no longer doing any half-baked stuff but is finally coming out and involving herself more just as I have involved myself with her, and thus the friendship is good again. It's good enough that Sunday I even brought her to church finally, and I get the feeling that she felt a little out of place because of how different Harmony must've appeared than the other churches she attends in her home state. Either that, or my response to her idea of the slide on communion that started "Jesus never asked his disciples to remember His birth, but He did tell them to remember His death" might've done the trick. She said that it wasn't politically correct, and I pointed out that 1) If she's right and this only because of what we know, then the Bible is insufficient because it isn't complete; 2) Jesus never asked us to be "politically correct". Otherwise, it was an excellent time, and I look forward to more chances to hang with her.
The cup is definitely "tilting in my favor." | | |
| FINALLY! I managed to get a chance to get to know Ed (a female as a reminder; again, think Cowboy Bebop) a little better last night and it was amazing. As an added bonus, Michiru also made an appearance and it became this wonderful conversation that covered a lot of topics, thus intriguing me further and further about Ed. In fact, Ed even hugged me last night, which was, as you'd expect, AMAZING and well-needed.
I'm just hoping it wasn't a one-time thing - I was supposed to meet Ed again tonight before coming over to Linn's house, but she never came, and there was no communication tonight to let me know one way or the other if we were going to meet, or if that was my mistaken impression I left with. Quite frankly Ed's desire to work with children is something that really has my interest, and therefore I want to see if this is a path that God would allow me to traverse according to His will. I really admire what Ed wants to do, and I would love to be useful to such a cause such as the one she wants to pull off. So of course I want to get to know her better, and, if God allows the circumstances to go further after sufficient time has passed, I want to at least bridge the denominational gap between her and I, finding the common ground we can agree on, finding the principles we want to stand fast on, and where we can compromise without compromising the truth, all to see Jesus' prayer in John 17 fulfilled. This is true even if Ed does remain a friend and nothing more in the days to come because right now I think I'd be lucky just to find someone within the Restoration Movement currently - the only other young adults include a married couple and one other guy, according to what they tell me about the young adult Bible study at my church.
Lord, have Your way above all else. | | |
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...if I didn't feel like this is what I've been relegated to, furthermore seeing nobody that is willing to accept or redeem the following from me. Found this after martial arts tonight at the little cafe called the Main Street Deli. It reminded me a lot of what Leia Beth did back in Moberly, and it's still the same feeling now that I felt back then: I'm thankful that it happened in spite of forcing myself to keep my shame down because someone actually had to come up with that in order for me to be hugged. I decided to get them on the off-chance they actually do work like Leia Beth's did. Slim chance, but one I'm willing to take because I'm nearly at two months again without one. | | |
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